Relational Patterns

Once the cycle is established, couples often become habituated to and may not even recognize the cycle and the destructive violence it brings to the family system. Common patterns emerge from the cycle. Perpetrators may blame their victims for their violent actions (e.g., "I wouldn't have to hit you if you hadn't embarrassed me!"). The relationships are often characterized by more and more control of family members by the perpetrator as he assumes power over them. Relationships may also take on more rigid gender roles. Isolation, as mentioned above, also becomes more intense as the cycle continues. (DeBeixedon and Zur)

Even when the cycle seems to be broken (e.g., a spouse divorces an abusive partner or a child moves away), these relational patterns can too easily carry over to other relationships. Children who experience violence in the home are more at risk to enter abusive relationships as adults. Both batterers and those battered are often involved in multiple abusive relationships during their lives. Unfortunately, these patterns indicate

that the batterers and battered do not choose their partners randomly. This leads us to the painful conclusion that once the boundaries between love, care and violence have been blurred in sexual and physical childhood abuse, both victims and victimizers may re-enact this blurring of boundaries by repeatedly engaging in violent intimate relationships. (DeBeixedon and Zur)