Once in a violent relationship, a system develops within the family. The Walker Cycle Theory of Violence posits that intimate partner violence operates along three phases of a recurring battering cycle: 1) tension building, 2) the acute battering incident, and 3) loving-contrition. The first phase is characterized by growing indications that a violent incident is inevitable, accompanied by the woman's attempts to placate and calm the man. The last phase often includes the man employing actions similar to those used in courtship, though it may also be characterized by just a decrease in tension, without expressions of tenderness. Both of these patterns (placation by the woman and acts of tenderness by the man) might serve to reinforce the woman's belief that she has some measure of control in the relationship and can 'bring out the best' in the man. However, the second phase often means that the stakes involved in the cycle of violence are growing and that the cycle cannot sustain itself. Typically, as the relationship progresses through a repetition of this cycle, the first phase becomes more extreme as the last phase declines. Significantly, Walker demonstrated that women usually left the battering relationship only after they perceived this sharp divergence between the tension-building and loving-contrition phases. Women who remained in battering relationships were more likely to have received more positive reinforcement and also were less likely to be depressed. These trends indicate a continued cost and benefits scenario existing within the battering relationship. (Walker 2000)
Walker’s theory has been both influential and helpful in understanding domestic violence. However, it should be noted that not all couples experience violence in these terms. The theory exists as an aid to understanding those involved in the destructive patterns of violence in the home, and care must be made not to force people’s experiences into the cycle. Instead, sensitivity must be shown to those involved that communicates a sincere desire to listen and understand their story. For example, Wexler (1999) reported an alternative model of the cycle of domestic violence, the “Cycle of Feeling Avoidance,” proposed by Harway and Evans. This cycle focuses on the powerlessness that men commonly experience in difficult interpersonal relationships and is typical of men with low tolerance for aversive feelings. Circumstances where the man perceives personal injury, frustration, helplessness, shame, and other personal discomforts can set the cycle in motion.
In this model, violence, passivity (e.g., excessive apology), substance abuse, and other destructive behaviors are attempts to minimize the dysphoric states the man experiences in those relationships.
His wife's behavior, feelings, and "independent center of initiative" are peripheral to the fundamental drive for self-cohesion: he will do anything it takes to avoid the dysphoria and regain some measure of well-being. Often, this means gaining control over someone else. And, often, this means emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. (Wexler 1999)Associating the need to relieve feelings of shame, helplessness, or loneliness with engaging in abusive, violent behavior is significant, especially in cultural contexts where parenting techniques employ shame and powerlessness as a discipline technique (see Section 1.5, How Violence in the Home Affects Children).
